Written By Patrick McMillan
(see author’s bio and website information at end of article)

Many of us know what our kids want for their birthdays this year; however, due to the decline in the economic climate, most of the items on their “I Want” lists will not make it to the birthday party. How do we as parents let our kids know that these things they think will make them happy just aren’t in the budget this year? We can start by helping our kids determine what really makes them happy.

A few years ago we took a family trip to Disney World in Orlando, FL. My wife and I were excited to take the boys to “The Happiest Place on Earth”.

Our oldest son, just 7 years old at the time, was so excited as we neared the front entrance he broke into a sprint toward the gate to be the first to enter “The Happiest Place on Earth”. Wearing shorts and sweating buckets in the mid September humidity of central Florida, he almost made it. He lost control of his high speed dash and landed on his hands and knees on the hard, hot concrete, scraping his right knee and screaming in pain.

That proved to be a difficult day for all of us, especially our eldest son. It certainly was not what we had visualized when contemplating the great time we would have. The days to follow were busy and lots of fun for all of us, but by the third day we were exhausted. Desperately needing some relaxing on the beach time, we packed the rental car and headed to Naples where we all took a rest from the excitement Disney World offered.

What we think will make us really happy, in many cases, is simply what I call “Surface Happiness”, or fleeting happiness. Disney World is considered “The Happiest Place on Earth”, but after a few days, it looses its flare and the participant is left wanting more and more fleeting happy moments, or more and more things.

Many times what we think will make us really happy is like chewing a piece of Juicy Fruit gum. It is so yummy. But after a few minutes we need to spit it out because it has entirely lost its flavor. Every child wants to get the big items on their birthday wish lists, and they should have gifts to open, but what gifts can we surprise our kids with that will bring them a feeling of Core Happiness? Core happiness is like a piece of Juicy Fruit that never looses its flavor.

Ask your kids “Is it your bike that makes you happy? Or is it what you do with your bike?” I asked my kids to close their eyes and think about the bicycles they both got for Christmas a few years ago. I asked them to try to visualize what it was about their bikes that made them feel happiest. When I asked them to describe their visualization, both saw themselves riding their bike. I did this little exercise with them first to introduce them to the idea that it really is not the “thing” that makes us feel the best, rather what we do with it. I asked them to think about other times when they felt great while they were doing something, or when they had a happy moment with someone they enjoy being around. With eyes closed the smiles grew on their faces.

We created a list of these thoughts that brought on happy feelings and called it our Thought Shift List. This is a list of Core Happy Feelings. These are the things in our life that bring on Real Happiness. This list we created together contained things that provided us with pleasure, meaning and engagement, which according to Dr. Martin Seligman PhD. dubbed the Father of Positive Psychology, are the three main ingredients to living a fulfilling and happy life. Dr. Seligman is the author of Authentic Happiness and The Optimistic Child and former President of The American Psychological Association. His research in happiness over the past decade has sparked global research into the Science of Happiness.

I believe one of the answers to the biggest question ever asked, “What is the meaning of life?” is “to add meaning to your life”, and doing this is easier than you might imagine. Gratitude adds meaning to life! Giving or receiving gratitude feels really good and the more often we give gratitude and receive it, the more we find in our life for which to be grateful.

I decided to try something different this year for my kid’s birthday gifts. I took a trip to the thrift store and picked up a couple of picture frames for 99cents each and using some nice paper in my printer, I wrote them each a letter of gratitude and framed them. I know this gift will make them smile and they will feel a wonderful feeling inside. I also know that when they look at this framed letter twenty years from now, they will get the same feeling inside. This little gift packs a lot of meaning, and it won’t lose its flavor. They will also be opening some birthday presents that were on their wish lists, but it will likely be what was not on their list that they will remember about this birthday.

Patrick McMillan is an author, children’s motivational speaker and subject matter expert in childhood emotional development. Patrick is the founder of Kids Can Do Anything and author of An Exercise in Happiness™, an interactive emotional fitness program for children. Patrick is an active member of The International Positive Psychology Association and The National Association for Self-Esteem though his passion stems from being a committed stay at home dad with his two sons since 2001.
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